Friday

Bill Maher Christian Bullshit. - Antitheist

Bill Maher Christian Bullshit. - Antitheist 



 Now, for almost 2,000 years, Christians have been lawyering the Bible to try and figure out how "love thy neighbor" can mean "hate thy neighbor," and how "turn the other cheek" can mean, "screw you, I'm buying space lasers."

Martin Luther King gets to call himself a Christian because he actually practiced loving his enemies. And Gandhi was so fucking Christian, he was Hindu. But, if you rejoice in revenge, torture and war--hey, that's why they call it the weekend--you cannot say you're a follower of the guy who explicitly said, "Love your enemies and do good to those who hate you." The next line isn't, "And if that doesn't work, send a titanium-fanged dog to rip his nuts off.

"Jesus lays on that hippie stuff pretty thick. He has lines like, "Do not repay evil with evil," and "Do not take revenge on someone who wrongs you." Really. It's in that book you hold up when you scream at gay people.  And, not to put too fine a point on it, but, non-violence was kind of Jesus' trademark. Kind of his big thing. To not follow that part of it is like joining Greenpeace and hating whales.

I mean, you know, there's "interpreting," and then there's just ignoring. It's just ignoring if you're for torture. As are more evangelical Christians than any other religion. You're supposed to look at that figure of Christ on the cross and think, "How could a man suffer like that and forgive?" not "Romans are pussies; he still has his eyes."If you go to a baptism and hold the baby under until he starts talking, you're missing the message. Like, apparently, our president, who says he gets Scripture on his Blackberry first thing every morning, but, who said on "60 Minutes" that anyone who would question that Bin Laden deserved assassination should--quote--"have their head examined."Hey, Fox News, you missed a big headline: "Obama thinks Jesus is nuts!" To which I say, Hallelujah, because my favorite new government program is surprising violent, religious zealots in the middle of the night and shooting them in the face.

 Sorry, Head Start, you're number two now.But, you see, I can say that because I'm a non-Christian. Just like most Christians. And, Christians, I know, I'm sorry; I know you hate this and you want to square this circle, but you can't. I'm not even judging you. I'm just saying, logically, if you ignore every single thing Jesus commanded you to do, you're not a Christian. You're just auditing. You're not Christ's followers. You're just fans.And if you believe the earth was given to you to kick ass on while gloating, you're not really a Christian; you're a Texan.

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